In a 2016 Slate article, writer Jia Tolentino posited that casual sex in our modern world is actually good for people in the long run. Tolentino argued that the worry about casual sex from the porn community and even liberals is valid — but framed it in a way that has helped people to avoid the real problems in casual sex that she identifies.
Be realistic.
One of the fears of casual sex is that it’s something you do as a one-time thing and can’t do again. While it may seem like an inescapable part of the sex scene in a promiscuous culture, it actually doesn’t have to be that way.
Specifically, casual sex usually indicates a ton of trust. You’re able to trust your sexual partner to safely and reciprocally. Because it means that you’re able to be a little intimate with someone without having a history together, it’s not a huge risk to get to know someone better in the way that you’ve been denied over the years. You’re also much more likely to actually want sex more often.
But if you need to talk about that, that’s totally fine too. If you just don’t want to have another long-term relationship as it is, that’s not a problem either.
It comes with a warning, of course.
The most common story we hear from people who have had casual sex is a fear of pregnancy. This fear is everywhere on casual sex dating apps, but especially on hookup apps. Busted is one of the most widely used swipe apps for casual sex and even includes a text language that was specifically designed to help you and your partner talk about contraception without the awkwardness. Even for those who don’t use a dating app, a woman can still worry about such things during an one-night stand.
The thing is, pregnancy isn’t something that has to happen during your casual sex adventure. The odds of becoming pregnant following a casual sex encounter is relatively low, with most — and all new sex — taking place on top of a consistent birth control regime.
But you shouldn’t have sex without that.
We’ve talked about how to identify when casual sex is healthy or not for years, and that there are all sorts of factors that play into the right relationship and casual sex experience.
The most effective way to deal with a casual sexual encounter in an unhealthy way is to be aware of it. There are some red flags when it comes to casual sex. In the same way that you should be paying
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Rethinking Sex: A Provocative Challenge to the Taboo of Sexual “Morality”. Chapters: Freedom
Because casual sex is not a long-term endeavor, neither person will have an extended involvement with the other. So we’re asking ourselves: Do you agree or disagree? Do you think casual sex is a good thing, a bad thing or just okay? Well, whatever your choice, the most important thing to consider is that you’re making your own decision, and you can only do that when you stop trying to figure out what everybody else thinks. Sure, it would be nice to be loved by more people. (The nice part is that your approval is subjective. Being loved just for being you is always worthy of some celebration.) But being in love with the idea of love is why you wind up feeling incapable of loving anyone as well as you really can. Love needs to be a verb, to mean something active that you do. Finding a person you can look forward to seeing, that you can make love to is the antidote for the cringeworthy situation that is always someone else’s idea of love.
Feeling “cornered” in a new relationship can sometimes feel like a symptom of a problem, like you’re emotionally dying. But without opening our eyes and our hearts, we can’t even begin to find the comfort. And just because it feels safe, like you know where you stand, doesn’t mean that that’s what we want in a partner. It’s more than just wanting to look in the mirror and like what you see. Sometimes all it takes to feel loved is loving ourselves. Maybe you need to believe that you deserve to be loved by someone, that your beauty comes from within rather than from the outside, and that your flaws are what make you unique, not what make you weak. This isn’t to say that you should allow yourself to just feel unloved, but it does mean that it’s okay to acknowledge that it may be a part of you, because even if you’re not willing to completely open yourself up to someone new, you can give yourself permission to feel safe to heal, to cry, to grow.
Ending (or cheating) on someone is by definition abusive. This is not a question of morality or a matter of one partner’s right to have casual sex versus the other. Abusing any relationship is a fundamentally evil and destructive act

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